Mom demands 16-year-old take care of his 2 half-siblings and 5 step-siblings and share a room with 3 of them, gets angry when he decides to move in with his dad instead: 'She told me now I was being extra selfish'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
May 15, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Every day, I wake up grateful that I was not born into a family with too many siblings. My sister and I are two and a half years apart, and that is absolutely perfect. When I achieved a milestone, she was only a couple of steps behind me. My mom always remarks on how my younger sister wanted to start potty training immediately after I did. It's nice to be in similar developmental stages as your siblings instead of constantly being surrounded by baby stuff. I would be kind of irritated if my house was still filled with toys, diapers, and baby products when I was studying for the SATS or learning to drive. Young children will always need more base-level attention than their older siblings, so it's usually better for the older kids if their siblings are closer. Of course, birth order and time can't always be meticulously planned or controlled. 

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  • 01

    AITA for deciding to live with my dad full time because I don't want to help with a bunch of kids at my mom's house?

    My parents got divorced when my older sister d d 8 years ago. I (16m) struggled with it because one day my sister was gone and then so was my family. Mom moved out and she and my dad fought. Mom wanted me with
    via u/Top-Type1839

  • This family has had nothing go according to plan. After losing their oldest daughter, the mom and dad divorced, leaving their now-oldest son to pick up the pieces and deal with a laundry list of half-siblings and step-siblings. When more siblings came into the picture than he could handle, he went to live with his dad. 

  • 02
    I SCLEIG SCLEUS
    via darya kameneva

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    her. Dad felt I should spend time with both. When they went to court my parents were given the same custody time with me and I've always had a week with each of them at a time.
    via u/Top-Type1839
  • 04
    5 years ago my mom remarried. Tom's the guy she married and Tom had two kids under 4 when they met. Him and my mom had two more kids together. It was pretty chaotic and my mom and Tom pushed for me to be a helper with the kids and to choose to be their big brother. Mom told me to
    via u/Top-Type1839
  • 05
    take care of them like my sister took care of me. And she was always correcting me for saying half sibling or stepsibling. We had lots of fights about it. I love my mom a lot. But I think we had different ways of coping with my sister's death. She wanted to move forward with Tom and the kids being our family the same as dad and my sister were. She
    via u/Top-Type1839
  • 06
    hated that I didn't call Tom dad. And she hated when I'd go for dad's parenting time. She tried to get sole custody a few times. I couldn't ever see my stepfamily the same. They could never take that same place for me. I was never going to call someone else dad either or stop being dad's kids because she wanted me to pretend with Tom.
    via u/Top-Type1839
  • 07
    I think I never got beyond accepting that they were there and tolerating the fact that mom's family had moved on and that I had half and stepsiblings. I never really bonded with them. But I was kind and I didn't take my issues out on them.
    via u/Top-Type1839
  • 08
    Tom's ex d d in February and my mom and Tom decided to take in her other kids, who are similar ages to my half siblings. Because of all the changes it meant I was supposed to share with three other kids. My mom wanted me to really step up and help and be a good older brother and role model. She said the new boy
    via u/Top-Type1839
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10506266880
    via John Kinnander

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 10
    would need me the most and I'd need to take him under my wing. My mom and Tom told me I'd need to help out with the kids more too. Like walk some to school, help with homework, walk them to after school clubs and stuff like that. I was also supposed to babysit because a babysitter would be out of their budget.
    via u/Top-Type1839
  • 11
    It was all way more than I wanted to do so I asked dad if I could live with him and he said yes. My dad's lawyer said it was fine because the court order already covered me getting to choose once I was 16 and how calls would be all that would be needed to not risk custody going to mom if she fought it through the courts.
    via u/Top-Type1839
  • 12
    So I call my mom and accept calls from mom twice a week. She's always so angry when we talk. She told me she was disappointed in me repeatedly and wanted to have a good reason why I was refusing to spend any time at her house. I told her I didn't want to help with all those kids. Mom corrected me and said my siblings and I told her no. Not my siblings. I told her
    via u/Top-Type1839
  • 13
    we'd argued before about that and I didn't want to. She told me we argue because I won't let go and accept that my family has changed and she told me now I was being extra selfish and hurting the four siblings I always had and refusing to even try and be there for the three new ones. She told me family comes together at times like these and I ran away. She told me if she
    via u/Top-Type1839
  • 14
    I could love them all and move on from my sister's death then so could I. It ped me off and I ended the call and I redirect any conversation now to talk about other stuff. But my mom still makes it clear she doesn't like that I went from living with dad two weeks a month to four weeks a month and she only gets calls and no visits and the kids will grow up hardly knowing me. AITA?
    via u/Top-Type1839
  • 15
    Cheezburger Image 10506267648
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 16
    Glittering_Focus_295 Your mother was parentifying you. You are a minor. You are not responsible for raising any of her children or stepchildren or step-children's half-siblings. NTA. Live your own life. I'm sorry about the loss of your sister.
    via u/Glittering_Focus_295
  • 17
    lammine4420 Also, your mother was an adult when your sister d d, you very much. Were not! She doesn't get to decide how you grieve, move on or view your family after losing your big sister. She's so very manipulative. Keep your distance. Also, an interesting trade that pays very well is drone operators, for power, telecom companies etc... might be cool if you enjoy gaming.
    via u/lammine4420
  • 18
    PrideofCapetown All of this. She didn't want you to be "a good older brother”. She wanted you to be her unpaid slave. She also did not "move on" from your sister's passing. She is using that tragic event to manipulate you
    via u/PrideofCapetown
  • 19
    2dogslife She's burying her grief under all the new relationships and calling it moving on, when actually, she's so busy, she has no time to remember or grieve. That's beyond her lack of parenting skills and parentification of her eldest son. He deserves to come first. He deserves to enjoy his childhood. He deserves to follow his interests after school, if he so choses.
    via u/2dogslife
  • 20
    His mother is beyond selfish. OP, if you go to university, there's free mental health care. The military and police also offer free mental health services. There's been a whole lifetime of unrest, grief, and change and there's no shame in asking for help so you can be healthier in your thoughts and relationships moving forward.
    via u/2dogslife
  • 21
    ihadtologinforthis It's honestly not even just parentification either, op is ruining her fantasy of him still being a "big brother" she thinks she has to replace the role ops sister had. But he's not fitting into her made up reality so she's trying to force him... but as we all know that's never gonna work.
    via u/ihadtologinforthis
  • 22
    kindaright-ish So let me get this straight, your mum wanted you to share a room with 3 small children/toddlers? Talk about pushing parenting onto your 16-year-old! She and Tom agreed to take in 3 other small kids, you didn't. 7 kids under 10 (I think if I've worked it out right) is a MASSIVE task that they took on with a whole list of expectations on who you'd be to them - despite having little to no bond with the kids already present - without asking you, not just volunteering your time like yo
    via u/kindaright-ish
  • 23
    on your dad's weeks, she and Tom would have to be doing all those things unless they thought that you'd skip time with your dad to be the third parent? ETA: If they can't afford a sitter, then they can't afford to go on dates if that's what they expected you to watch all the kids for. If it was cos they are working, then they'd have to find jobs that fit around their child care needs. Your NTA, but I would suggest speaking to a councillor or therapist if your able to or haven't already. You've h
    via u/kindaright-ish
  • 24
    Ok-Meringue6107 "unless they thought that you'd skip time with your dad to be the third parent?" - That's exactly what OPs mom thought, she's been trying for years to get sole custody and she was probably hoping this was her opportunity. Thankfully, OP has his father and is within the custody agreement to stay with dad. OP - NTA but your mom and Tom sure are big ones.
    via u/Ok-Meringue6107
  • 25
    JustAnotherK8Lady NTA I am one of those weird people that think that people should have or take in children they cannot afford to care for, including child care. It is abhorrent that your mother is trying to all of those f trophies onto you. Spend time with your dad. Do well in school. Enjoy your life. And don't go to university just because everyone says you should. I am an academic advisor so I couldn't not throw that one in, sorry!
    via u/JustAnotherK8Lady
  • 26
    Top-Type 1839 OP My dad and I have talked a lot about me learning a trade. He wishes he'd gone that route and I think it would work way better for me than college. But I might also do community college instead. We're looking at all my options. I wish my mom did think of all that. But her argument is always the kids are family and that's what counts.
    via u/Top-Type1839

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family drama step siblings brother teenagers siblings parenting raising teens dad family bedroom sister stepdad mom half siblings parents Parenting FAILS
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